The Five Stages of Grief…..According to Toque

As a cat, the concept of grief can be somewhat foreign to me. I mean, for the most part, my life is really easy. I eat and sleep and look pretty (very very pretty). But I do understand that grief is there, sometimes taking over the people in my life who mean the most to me. It is heart breaking for me to witness grief take over a friend. I feel so powerless. And cats HATE to feel powerless. (Well, powerless and wet). That is why I try never to accompany my friends when they are trying on clothes.

 Anyone who has ever been shopping experiences the Five Stages of Grief:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression and

Acceptance

Sometimes one or more of these stages can be difficult to work through. So I thought a blog post dedicated to this would be helpful. So you can recognize the five stages of grief, and be able to work through them. And then be able to heal and move on.

Stage # 1 Denial. This is in the very beginning of the trying clothes on process (hence it’s stage one). This is when you refuse to believe what size pants you should be trying on, and you march into the change room with a pair that will inevitably not fit.

Stage # 2 Anger. Obviously, this is where you have tried the pants on and they are no where near fitting you….and YOU. ARE.  PISSED. What was the point of all those vegetables and all that running (well, walking, but still….!) if you can’t even get a simple pair of pants on?! There is no way this is your fault, a higher power is somehow out to get you. The world is against you!!

Stage # 3 Bargaining. You know what? You probably read the tag wrong. Haha, how silly, but it happens! You didn’t grab your size at all, you grabbed a kid’s pair. Tres drole! This is the part of the process where, right before you double check the tag, you begin talking to the higher power you were just cursing. You explain quickly that if the tag is wrong you will give up ice cream for good, always take the stairs instead of the elevator and start giving all your worldly possessions to charity.

Stage # 4 Depression. Well, you double checked the tag, and there it is. It’s definitely the size you thought you were, and you were definitely wrong. And these pants are definitely not fitting you. On the plus side you no longer have to give up all your worldly possessions, or ice cream. Which is good news, because when you get home you are planning to eat an ENTIRE bucket of ice cream on your own. While watching The Biggest Loser.

Stage # 5 Acceptance. This is when you are finally able to emerge from the change room with your head held high. You fling aside the pants that have now ruined your day, and you go get the damn pants in the next size up, or a few sizes up, depending on how deluded you were before stage # 1. In my humble opinion (ok, maybe humble isn’t the right word…) this is the best stage. So what if you’re a couple of sizes up? Who cares? It’s important to just accept yourself and move on. Look at your feline roommate—she never worries about pant sizes, and she is perfectly content with herself. She simply accepts herself. Come to think of it, she accepts you just the way you are too. Sometimes a cat’s acceptance can help you along, so if you don’t yet have a feline roommate consider inviting one to live with you today. And let the acceptance begin.

Meow Meow For Now,

Toque ♥

Birthdays…..According to Toque

Today’s my roommate’s birthday. I won’t tell you her age, for the same reason I wouldn’t tell you her weight—because she is a lady. More importantly she is an independent woman entitled to her privacy. And more importantly if I told I’d be on the street. But she knows I know, and that’s enough to keep a roof over my head and my litter box clean.

As you know cats do not have birthdays. Ok, well, obviously we have birthdays, but we don’t celebrate them because we felines are ageless, and we expect to be treated like we’re special every day of the year, not just one. But for those of you who do celebrate your birthdays, I thought I’d offer some tips. Some tips on turning a year older gracefully, with minimal regret the next morning.

Tip #1 Don’t get so drunk you blackout, forget you have a boyfriend or forget you’re not Beyonce on karaoke night. A nice buzz is all right, as long as you are still in charge of yourself and your surroundings. Bubbly birthday girls are cute, drunken birthday girls are tacky. Besides, you take so long to figure out what you’re going to wear that night, why spill beer all down the front of it? And speaking of your birthday suit….

Tip #2 Dress your age. The age you just turned, not the age you tell people you turned. And no matter what age you are, you really should be keeping all breasts, bums and muffin tops covered enough to leave something to the imagination. Too much of a good thing is tacky on everybody, no matter their age.

Tip # 3 Get free stuff. This is no time to be shy about your birthday. Use it to your advantage to get some swag! There are plenty of places around Toronto alone that give out complimentary drinks, food and such if you show ID and prove it’s your birthday. Not to mention the guy behind the coffee counter, restaurant servers that want good tips, and good looking bartenders that want the birthday girl’s number. They should all be informed what day it is.

Tip # 4 Inform people, but don’t go overboard. Yes, everyone should know it’s your birthday and act accordingly, but don’t hold a grudge if everyone you know couldn’t get the day off work. (This applies especially to your coworkers; that would just look suspicious). For this reason I am a firm believer in the birthday week or, better yet, the birthday month. That way, even people who are busy on the actual day get to make it up to you. And you get to let them make it up to you—that’s like your present to them!

Tip # 5 Have a piece of cake. No diet should EVER come between you and your birthday cake. It is your day to have whatever you want for breakfast lunch and dinner, and snack in between, and that best include some cake. It’s only one day a year, you have another 364 days to hit the gym. See? No worries.

Tip # 6 Treat yourself like it’s your birthday, every day. You can’t wait for anyone else to do it so it’s up to you Kittens. You have to make sure you’re pampered and spoiled. And while you’re at it make sure you only surround yourself with people who act accordingly. With the exception of your feline roommate, of course. It’s her job to keep you humble, after all. We don’t want you to get carried away with yourself, jeesh.

That’s the other reason my roommate chooses to cohabitate with me, I think. She’s so fabulous that she needs my feline sensibilities to keep her feet on solid ground. She also needs my fashion sense to help her get ready for her birthday bash. She also needs my internal clock to tell her when it’s time to put food in my bowl, when it’s time to wake up and pay attention to me and when it’s time to leave me alone. See? She couldn’t get along without me.

She also needs me to once a year, tell her she’s fabulous. To tell her she’s smart, fun and beautiful. And to tell her I love her and to have the best birthday possible….via my tips. I love ya Babe, have a blast .

Meow Meow For Now,

Toque ♥