Life Lessons from a Dog……….According to Toque

I know this is a very strange subject to broach for a cat. But recently (and I hope you’re sitting down for this) I have made the acquaintance of not one but two dogs and I have just been fascinated with their way of life--with their very culture really. Most of what I’ve seen has been atrocious but I did pick up a few lessons I honestly thought we could all benefit from. (I know—go figure). 

The two dogs that made my acquaintance, themselves are fascinating enough. The older one is a Chihuahua that just has this attitude I never knew a dog could possess. Like I said, he’s just a Chihuahua but he walks around like he’s a Rottweiler or a Great Dane or a Cat (I mean, please). The younger one is a Yorkie-Poo. That one? Dumb. As. Soup. And not one of your high end soups either, no wild mushroom at $15 a bowl from her. Nope. Think canned tomato, no name brand. Crackers not included. Her soup worthy IQ may have something to do with her breeding. I’m not just talking about her cross-breeding, although I do wish humans would stay out of another species lineage as the result often is both health and IQ problems—but I’m also suspicious if you were to research this particular dog’s family tree, the tree would have no branches, it would just go straight up. Before she ended up cohabitating with the cat-like Chihuahua I’m sure she was sharing a water bowl with her uncle-brother-dad. But I digress. I still learned some good tips from her on living well, surprisingly. I decided that although the majority of a dog’s day to day is somewhat repulsive it was worth putting together a few life lessons, or tips for living well. Straight from the dog’s mouth, as it were.

Tip # 1: Smile. The dumb-as-soup Yorkie-Poo smiles all the time and I do mean all the time. Feed her, she’s smiling. Don’t feed her, she’s smiling. Praise her, she’s smiling. Scold her, she’s smiling. Watching her is exhausting, but there is something to it. Because she is always happy. Nothing gets her down. There was a brief moment with me where she was confused, when I nick-named her “Soup”. But then I explained it’s because she’s dumb as soup and she was happy again. In no way am I suggesting you just sit and smile if someone’s putting you down. GOD NO. But those moments where you’re in just a tad of a bad mood and you want to feel a little better? Just smile. Honestly. It really does make you feel better—there’s actual science behind it! (Don’t ask me to explain the science).

Tip # 2: Keep your bad mood in check. Those times when a forced smile won’t do the trick, just keep to yourself for awhile. You shouldn’t be taking it out on others. I gathered this tip from my acquaintance with the cat-like Chihuahua. Not because he lives by this rule, but because I observed that he really should. Have you ever heard the saying “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”? ‘Cause he hasn’t. I mean, most of the time he can be an alright enough guy, but when he gets in his moods he can be a real—you know the “C-word”? C is for Chihuahua.

Tip # 3: Love the one you’re with. My roommate and I have always had an understanding. She keeps the condo clean enough, makes sure food is brought on time and gives me attention on my terms, and in return I live with her. Most felines I know who cohabitate with humans have more or less the same set up. But dogs? OH MY GOD NO. They live with a human, sure, and she feeds and cleans up after them, naturally, but not once did they ever refer to her as their roommate. They instead informed me she was their mommy. (Retyping it here just now made me throw up a little in my mouth). What the hell is that?! You’re a grown dog and you call the woman you live with “mommy”? *shudder* Anyways, although I don’t approve of that unnatural relationship, at all, it got me thinking about how happy they are living with their mom—uh, roommate. They don’t just seek attention when they want it, but they also allow her to seek attention, even when they’re sleeping (which is like never, by the way). Made me think maybe I could be a little more appreciative of my roommate. Maybe. We’ll see.

Tip # 4: Eat. Yeah, I know you already know to eat, but try eating like a dog for a day. These dogs are NOT picky. They will eat anything and are grateful for every morsel. Ridiculously so. Am I saying eat everything that comes across your path? No. I’m saying when you have good food, eat it, be thankful and don’t waste. Only put on your plate what you need and what you  know you’ll finish, enjoy it without thinking about what you’d rather be eating and show your appreciation when you’re done. And like I said, these dogs eat whatever they want and they are both rocking svelte figures. Ok, I’m suspicious the dumb one has a thyroid condition, but still.

Tip # 5: All the world’s a stage. Now these two dogs are not perfect. By no means. I don’t want to repeat some of the things I saw, but suffice it to say, when they wanted to leave their mark; you would know when they’d been in a room. As soon as these two wanted something however, man could they act! They would act like they had been a couple of good dogs the whole time. Acting angelic to manipulate is something we cats are very familiar with, but I’m a complete amateur compared to these two. They could make their eyes go bigger—and I don’t just mean their pupils so they could see in the dark, I mean their whole eye ball would be wider, like they were in a cartoon. They would practice something called “sit pretty” (again, not the same as a cat’s version). They would even bow and shake paws. Of course I thought the whole ado was a little much but you know something? They got results! They got belly rubs; they got treats; they got to sit on the couch! It got me thinking again: when it serves your purpose it’s ok to put on a little act, no? The next time you want a deal in a store or want to move up in a line or you want the last slice of pizza remember: flattery, along with wide eyes and a smile, can go a long way. I’m just saying.

Tip # 6: Maybe—MAYBE—it’s not the most horrible thing EVER to share your life with a dog. Some of them—SOME—are alright. Not half bad. Like I said the Chihuahua I met is practically a cat so I didn’t find him quite as irritating as you’d think. Might I make a suggestion though? If you are thinking of opening up your home to a dog (and if I were you I’d think long and hard about that) as well as a cat (you still need a feline roommate to put you in your place) try meeting one at a shelter, one that really needs a home I mean. The ones you meet in a shelter seem to be smart enough. And they can be pretty appreciative once you get them home. Also, I think the C-word Chihuahua and the soup-stupid Yorkie-Poo are living proof that a breeder isn’t always going to introduce you to the best of the best, am I right?

Meow Meow For Now,

Toque ♥