Acceptance.....According to Toque

            Anyone who has ever been acquainted with a cat knows they do just fine on their own. Anyone who has ever been acquainted with me knows I do exceptionally well on my own. I’m a credit to my species the way I can spend the majority of my time with myself. I have never needed a man to complete me - or whatever bollocks the kids are saying nowadays. I’m sickened by how the media has been portraying relationships; the woman is independent, but lonely and we usually meet her right when she thinks her life is unraveling, for one reason or another, then she meets “The One” and her life falls into place. Just like that. It’s especially revolting when before “The One” shows up the woman actually liked being single, actually took interest in her career or even didn’t believe in romanticized love, because then the man gets to teach her why she is wrong.  

I always cry at the end of a rom-com, but I weep for the couple’s sanity, rather than their good fortune.

This portrayal has otherwise smart women waiting for their prince to come and untangle their lives. The problem with believing a man is going to swoop in and complete you is all the waiting you have to do before he gets there – if he gets there. I found that accepting he’s not coming is much more comforting, as it forces you to do all your living now, and to rely on your friends for a good night out, a memorable birthday or a kick ass Valentine’s Day. (Believe me, plan a Valentine’s dinner with your friends instead of a guy, and you will NOT be disappointed, every time).

I know this is hard for a modern woman to understand. I’m worried for you my Kittens, worried that you have been brain washed, particularly by a few of media’s Prince Charmings that you may be subconsciously waiting for. Well, I’m here to set you straight. Follow my tips to acceptance, and start living your life sans waiting.

Tip #1 Accept that Mr. Darcy is not coming. Please go out tonight instead of staying in and watching Bridget Jones for the umpteenth time. Surely by now you realise Mr. Darcy is not going to just “pop in” and help you make dinner. And thank God he doesn’t! – or he’d catch you in your pajamas (the “comfortable” pair) polishing off a pizza and watching a rom-com. Alone. Like some kind of addict. It’s better to accept this one’s not coming, not Mr. Darcy now and not Mr. Darcy from the 18^th Century. Just let it go, no matter how much he looks like an Oscar winning actor.

Tip #2 Accept that Mr. Big is not coming. I get dizzy thinking of all the ways Mr. Big was a horrible match for Carrie. And how it would have been much more empowering to see the show end with Carrie single – but the twist is, she’s actually happy and has high self-esteem…..Not that I watched the show. Or dressed up as a character for both movie premiers…..The problem with Mr. Big is he’s just an updated version of Prince Charming, minus the charm. He’s handsome (to some tastes) and rich (to all tastes) and he’s…well, he’s there, isn’t he? This one you really don’t have to wait for Kittens. We already have plenty of Mr. Bigs out there, just without the rich part. If it’s a pompous man you want, one who acts like royalty and will just go back and forth for a few seasons, disappear for a while, come back and toy with your emotions a little more…then just look around. Take your pick. But if you’re holding out for the Mr. Big who will treat you like crap but then buy you a condo, then don’t hold your breath.

Tip #3 Accept that Edward Cullen is not coming. Come on! – really??? How much belief did you have in this one? …. Well that’s just sad. No, ladies, this man is not going to swoop in, bite your neck and make your life magical. Oops, let me rephrase that: this high school student is not going to swoop in. And neither is the high school student who plays him. Let’s leave vampires and werewolves and whatever else goes bump in the night to the teenage girls, shall we?

Tip #4 Accept that Edward Lewis is not coming. The plot of Pretty Woman is a classic. Boy meets Girl. Boy pays Girl for sex. After Girl goes shopping and makes over herself Boy falls in love with Girl and decides to no longer pay her for sex. Also Boy is Richard Gere, and he is filthy rich. I’ve actually seen this one happen in real life – honestly! Except instead of Richard Gere, Boy was a teenage virgin, and instead of filthy rich, he used his allowance to pay Girl. But when he fell in love with her and she still wouldn’t kiss him on the mouth, he started crying and begged her not to tell his parents. Then Girl’s pimp told him his 15 minutes was up and he better go home. See? Classic.

Look – did you really think a handsome, rich business man was going to fall in love with you, but only after using you for sex? Have you ever even met a man???

Tip #5 Accept that McDreamy isn’t coming. Neither is McSteamy or McHouse or any other McTV Doctor you can think of. Drop dead gorgeous doctors only date other drop dead gorgeous doctors. Or nurses. Or other drop dead gorgeous hospital personnel. Why? Because they can! And, because it’s in the script. I see the appeal of this one, I really do. Who doesn’t want a handsome neurosurgeon, with a good head of hair to bring home flowers and tell them how their day of saving lives went. Better yet, how about the bad boy appeal of a crusty diagnostician with a juicy back story and piercing blue eyes to ride in on his motorcycle and give you a lift into the sunset – hell even I could give up my ever fulfilling single life for that. But when was the last time you went to the doctor, Kittens? Did your doctor fit either of those descriptions? I think the last time I had an appointment my doctor had a cane, but believe me that’s where the comparison ends.

Tip #6 Accept that dogs are dogs and cats are cats. Likewise, accept that men are men and women are women. I think if God had wanted men and women to live together, He wouldn’t have given men mouths. Well, that’s just my theory anyway. Rather than waiting for a man that you can stand long enough to let him complete you, you need to accept that you need to complete yourself. If you’re already too far gone and are unsure how then take pointers from your feline roommate (or your future feline roommate, depending) and learn to spend time with yourself. Learn the art of sleeping, eating, and grooming for you and only you. It’s very liberating. And you know what they say, you won’t find true love until you truly love yourself. See? Even I have a mushy side (it’s my belly, and if you touch it I’ll scratch your eyes out).

Meow Meow For Now,

Toque ♥