You would think as a cat I would rather enjoy these fairy tales about a girl falling into wealth and living out her days as a princess. So, we all know the story, right? The damsel with the hard knock life kisses a frog and he turns into a prince. Then he finds her shoe, or something. Oh!-and he kisses her while she’s sleeping, waking her up-even though she had a long day scrubbing floors and singing to forest creatures. Then she gets a big wedding, in a big dress. Then she’s a princess. More to the point, she’s a wife-and that’s where the story ends. Little girls everywhere just assume she lives happily ever after.
Well….I have a few problems with this.
Problem # 1: Why was she compelled to kiss a frog in the first place? If she herself has it going on, then shouldn’t she be swapping saliva with someone else who equally has it going on? Alright, I know what you’re thinking. After a few drinks frogs can start to look like princes. But that’s what your designated driver is for! To let you know he’s a frog. And he needs a hair cut. And he’s been talking to your chest all night. Frogs are the guys you let buy you drinks at the bar-but you don’t go home with them! You certainly don’t marry them! The very idea is absurd!
Problem # 2: Have you ever been in such a hurry that if your shoe fell off you would just leave it behind? Neither have I. I never like to fret over money or how much I spent on something material, but Honey, if my Manolo Blahnik slips off, I’m going back for it.
Problem # 3: What exactly is this girl doing with her life before the prince shows up? Scrubbing floors? Talking to mice (mice for Christ’s sake)? Living, practically, like a slave in her home? This girl is hopelessly obedient and speaking as a cat, I find this disgusting. And after her life of obedience her reward is marrying a spoiled prince who is probably used to getting everything he wants. At a snap of his fingers, no less. Well, congratulations Honey.
Problem # 4: Why are the majority of these girls all jobless and living with their parents? Why aren’t they in school or pursuing careers? I know all about family money but any girl worth her salt knows she can’t rely on family money alone. She needs to support herself. Be independent. Be her own woman. I am strictly talking about human girls, of course. I won’t lift a paw to do work. Working is so pedestrian.
Problem # 5: Do they really have to get married right away? It seems a bit rash. They really should take the time to get to know each other a little better. Get to know each other’s likes, and dislikes. Hobbies and habits. Fairy tale folks get hitched so fast they barely have time to learn if they’re marrying a cat person or a *shudder* dog person. Girls of the world, hear my plea: don’t rush into marriage! Take some time for you first. Get a job, get your own apartment and get a feline roommate. As demanding as we are, we are nothing compared to a pampered prince! We would never ask you to give up your career-au contraire, you will need a good job when cohabitating with a cat. We won’t touch your shoes without asking, we would never let you bring home a frog and we would never, EVER, wake you up when you’re sleeping-unless it is in fact time to get up. Or it’s time to be fed. Or we’ve brought you a gift and want you to see it. Or we thought you already woke up and we just want to make sure.
Meow Meow For Now,
Toque ♥
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