The Art of Sleep.....According to Toque

At first, I didn’t think the subject of sleep warranted an entire blog entry. But then I realized that, as a cat, I had great insight into the subject. And, since I’m nothing if not a giver, I decided I should share my vast knowledge with you, my readers.

There is an art to sleep that many humans just don’t have a knack for. It happens sometimes-some are born with the gift of a talent while others have to work at it. Luckily the practice for this requires little to no effort-just time.

Honey, sleeping takes time. To be more precise, you are going to have to put aside 20-23 hours a day to really get a good, proper night’s sleep. Some of you may have to rearrange your schedules for this but trust me, it’s worth it.

Now, if you feel like you have been putting in the practice but you still don’t feel well rested in the morning, don’t fret my pets: I have come up with some simple tips to help you drift off into that sweet sweet slumber.

Tip # 1 Find warmth. It is easier to fall asleep when it’s above room temperature. Well above room temperature.  It’s science or something. Fur coats help. I suppose a blanket would suffice. If you’re all wrapped up but still can’t get warm try cuddling up with someone special (I know, I can be a mush sometimes). But this is only effective when the person is busy. And you’re interrupting them. When they are busy their body is at a higher temperature (again, science). If that special someone isn’t available, or so busy they have become immune to your cuteness (never happened to me but I suppose this could happen) then you do have some options. You can curl up in fresh load of laundry (but only if someone is trying to fold it), curl up on a laptop (but only if someone is trying to type) or curl up on a television set (but only if someone is trying to watch it).

Tip # 2 Stretch. Always stretch before and after and also during your sleep. You don’t want to pull anything! A popular stretch is the “rubber band”, where you start in your curled up position, then stretch into a straight line as far as yours paws can reach, then snap back into your curled position. Others include the arched back “Halloween pose” and the chair arm “claw drag”. For your full 20-23 hour sleep you are going to want to employ a full body stretch though. The best is the “starfish”. Lay on your back with you nose pointing North, your front paws pointing North-East and North-West, your back paws pointing South-East and South-West and your tail pointing South. Don’t leave your mouth out, this is a good opportunity to stretch your jaw out too so open wide, get that oxygen in there! Sometimes you may find this stretch so relaxing that you will fall asleep in this position, a true testament to the effectiveness of this stretch. I’ve heard that in the canine community the “starfish” is known as the “rub my belly”. I do not get those guys sometimes, ya know? Bottom line: if you touch my belly you’re losing you hand. Period.

Tip # 3 Set up a routine. When you have a routine that you do every night before bed your body begins to associate this with ‘bedtime’. Young children, for example, will have a story read to them and be ‘tucked in’. Another example is my roommate reads big, hard cover text books from her school that always look really boring. And sometimes she’ll read her own notes she made from her school books. Eventually she will slam the book and toss it aside, in frustration and then consult her iphone and laptop for at least an hour before calling it a night. I don’t really understand her routine but to each his own as I always say. Besides, the last part of her routine allows me to practice what I preach a la Tip # 1. My own routine is: sleeping. I like to take a quick nap before I really have to settle in for the night.

Tip # 4 Soothing noises. Apparently there is a reasonably sized market out there for CDs that play nothing but rain forest sounds. Listening to running water and potential prey rustling in bushes would keep me up all night but again, to each his own. My roommate sometimes listens to music at a low volume all night. She can be so inconsiderate. I never say anything but sometimes I wish she would remember she has a roommate-a roommate generous enough to give up half the bed! Actually, the most soothing sound to sleep with is one’s own purr. All you have to do to achieve this sound is dilate and constrict your glottis alternatly using your larynx muscles while you breath-easy peasy. Hey, a CD of cats purring-they should market that!

Tip #5 Never, under any circumstances, let a man sleep in your bed. By kicking the guy out and keeping your bed to yourself you are eliminating at least half your sleeping problems.

Tip # 6 You know who is better to share your bed with? Come on guys, you know where I’m going with this….if you don’ already have a feline roommate put an ad out on Craig’s List today! We will help keep you warm, taking care of us can be your new bedtime routine and we will purr free of charge, no CD required! Also, we will help you keep men out of your bed. And, if one misguided night you do choose a man over us and try to lock us out of the bedroom, we will stand, vigilant outside the door, and demand to be let back in. At the top of our lungs. Trust me, neither of you will get any sleep until that door is opened to us. You might think it’s selfish but we’re not doing it for us, we’re doing it for you. To remind you who your true friends are.

Meow Meow For Now,

Toque ♥