Rainy Days.....According to Toque

Rain-Pfft. Normally, rain does not really bother me. Because, as a cat, I prefer to stay in on the best of days. So rain, hindering my outdoor time?-not such a problem. Now my canine acquaintances, on the other hand, act crazy when it rains. First, they demand to be let out, then, when they get wet, they freak out and demand to be let in. Then they act upset when they’re not allowed on any of the furniture while they’re all wet, then they attempt to dry themselves with a full body shake that is ridiculously inconvenient for anyone within a 20 mile radius, and THEN, inevitably, they forget what they came in for and demand to be let back out.  

Oh boy.

Even though the reasoning behind this behaviour escapes me completely, I thought as a nice gesture I would take this opportunity to offer some tips on staying in on rainy days. So others can see being “stuck inside” is no burden, but rather, a luxury.

Tip # 1 Sleep. If you are no good at this then please refer to my previous post. Sleeping is a good one because since it takes up most of your day you will hardly notice that it is taking up most of a rainy day.

Tip # 2 Cards, puzzles, board games etc. Any opportunity you get to show others you are better than them and a natural born winner is gold. Luckily, any of these games are quick to learn and a cinch to master. Take board games, for example. During this activity there are small pieces that get moved around the board. So, when it is your turn, simply swat the pieces off the board and onto the floor and chase them across the room. Show your opponents how good you are at it! Bonus points if one of the pieces ends up under the couch. The other players may get upset and even yell in frustration. But this is only because they are sore losers and jealous of your mad skillz.

Tip # 3 Redecorate. A quick and easy way to change the look of any room is to reorganize items on shelves, tables, cupboards, dressers and so on. The best way to do this is to employ the same mad skillz used during board games.

Tip # 4 Seek back up (aka attention). If you’re really bored seek your roommate’s help. Meow at her and rub in between her legs for her attention. Make her turn off the TV, put down her book, close her lap top etc and have her play with and/or pet you.  That way she can combat both your boredom AND hers. Win-Win.

Tip # 5 Sleep. For help you can refer to my previous post because—what? I already mentioned this? Oh, silly me. I guess I was subconsciously adding it twice because on rainy days sleeping is freakin’ heaven. Amen.

Tip # 6 Chase birds off your balcony and/or window sill. Usually lunging at the window delivers the message. It’s sometimes hard to tell if they’re going to come back or not, so it’s always good to sort of “stand guard” for awhile, for any trouble. When it’s raining these little, homeless creatures have no where to go, so they’ll often huddle on your balcony and under awnings and such to try and keep warm and dry. When I see them out there, alone, and shaking, I think to myself: THOSE BITCHES BEST GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE NOW AND I AIN’T PLAYIN’.

Tip # 7 Mark Territory. I don’t do dishes. Or laundry. Or vacuuming. And I wouldn’t be caught dead making a bed. Most of the household jobs fall on my roommate’s shoulders. But to keep it fair I am in charge of at least a few chores, one of which is territory marking. To be honest, sometimes I get behind, but a rainy day is the perfect opportunity to catch up. Now different people have different methods of marking, my roommate might leave clothes around the apartment from time to time and I don’t even want to tell you what goes on in the canine community, but as for myself, I bring out the claws. Scratching different surfaces, particularly large furniture items, is the most effective way to mark your territory. You’ll know you’re doing it right when the items you scratch have efficiently depreciated in value.

            Tip # 8 Get right up on your depreciated couch and snuggle with your feline roommate. Don’t worry, it’s not weird—it’s totally platonic and just what the doctor ordered on these less than perfect days. And also, I read somewhere that it’s good for the heart—the human heart, not our cat heart. Snuggling or being left alone, it really makes no difference to us. We’re just happy to help, because we’re nothing if not helpful.

Meow Meow For Now,

Toque ♥