First dates are hard work. Not for you, however. For him. He has got a lot of work ahead of him--all you have to do is look gorgeous (check) and show up (if he’s lucky, double check). Of course, I am aware of the century, I am aware that you can ask him and put some effort towards the date. But as a cat, I am greatly against this. I believe that the other person should be putting in all the work, all the time, in all my relationships. After all, I already bring enough to the table with my looks, my charm and my ability to see well at night. So, the ask-er has got his work cut out for him—when he finally grows a pair big enough to ask you out.
First thing’s first: he’s gotta pick a place. This is very important because the place he picks can make or break the date.
And any possibility of a second date.
But once you’re there, it’s all in the details. And it’s the details that the ask-ee has to navigate through. Because sometimes due to the attention, and wine it’s hard to tell if that first date warrants a second date. I’ll bet some girls wish there was some sort of list of dates out there with easy-to-read indicators of whether or not a second date should be granted.
Alright, alright. Here you go…..
Date # 1 The Coffee Date. I can see the benefits of this one. It’s less intimidating than a whole dinner but allows more conversation than a movie. It’s easy enough to blow off when it starts heading south and it doesn’t come with the added pressure of meeting for drinks. When you meet for drinks it’s unclear if you’re going home alone or not. But when you meet for coffee it’s mutually understood you’re going home alone. Because no one gets hot and heavy after a hot cup of coffee. (Except for the exception, let’s call her C. C met a smokin’ hot guy at a coffee shop and he became a one night stand she successfully turned into a smokin’ hot boyfriend. This, kittens, is not the norm—it’s just C’s life). Despite some good qualities this is ultimately not my favourite kind of date. I feel a date should have more, I don’t know, pizzazz, more substance, more….what’s the word? Oh—food! A date should have more food. Not that a coffee shop doesn’t have some food. But if your date presents you with a pre-made, saran wrapped egg salad sandwich and calls it dinner…..
Second Date: NOT GRANTED
Date # 2 The movie. This is always a safe choice because in a dark, quiet theatre there is sort of a pseudo-intimacy that exists, but with minimal conversation. This fabricated intimacy comes from sitting side by side, in the dark, arms touching, hands and knees occasionally brushing against each other. But you dare not try to get to know each other better, for fear of being “shushed”. If you have been asked to go to a movie, you have just been asked out by a smart, shy guy. He is looking forward to sitting in silence for 90 minutes, because he knows, when the end credits roll, you two have something in common to talk about: you’ve both seen the same movie! Was it good? Was it bad? Was it over-acted? You guys have a whole walk out of the theatre to discuss it. Basically, this guy knows his own weaknesses and he knows how to distract you from them.
Second Date: NOT GRANTED
Date # 3 a) Dinner (Upscale). This has all the makings of a great date: fine dining, fine wining, and plenty of opportunity for (hopefully) fine conversation. Add candlelight and soft music in the background and….wow. This guy is good. This guy has money and clearly wants to impress you with it. That’s fine, for a free meal, but what are you? A hooker?
Second Date: NOT GRANTED
Date # 3 b) Dinner (Downscale). Let’s get one thing straight: if dinner comes to the table in some kind of plastic/Styrofoam/paper container and is eaten with disposable cutlery….
Second Date: NOT GRANTED
Date # 3 c) Dinner (Home Cooked). I don’t know why some guys think it’s cute to put on an apron and cook. Furthermore, I don’t know why some girls fall for this. Bottom line: this guy had some money he could have spent on spoiling you but instead he chose to spend it on the ingredients to canned sauce spaghetti and a novelty apron…..
Second Date: NOT GRANTED
Date # 4 Dinner and a Movie Combo. Never, ever agree to this date. When a guy asks you out to dinner and then says “maybe we can catch a movie after” he is assuming you have that whoooooole night free and have nothing better to do. And he should never, ever assume that. And you should never, ever let him. Even if it’s true…..
Second Date: NOT GRANTED
Date # 5 Going for a walk. What?! No! Just—no! No meal AND I have to go for a walk? I just—I can’t even—Gawd! Just—NO—Gawd no!
Second Date: NOT GRANTED (a million times not granted)
Date # 6 Going for a picnic. Wow, this one is loads better than the last one, but it’s still pretty bad. Homemade sandwiches eaten in the great outdorrs……
Second Date: NOT GRANTED
Date # 7 Going Shopping. This sounds good, at first, but ladies, come on! If he’s asked you to go on a shopping trip then there’s a good chance he’s in the closet. Or, he’s not, and your gay-dar is so bad that you completely misunderstood his invite. Either way…..
Second Date: GRANTED (because, Honey, meet your new shopping BFF).
Date # 8 Trampoline Lessons. OMG this guy is a KEEPER. You’re definitely going on a second date with this guy because--Wait. You know what? This list is a waste of time. You don’t need a list to help you know if a second date is in the cards. You should be relying on your raw, animal instinct, aka your feline roommate. Before your date even begins, invite him in for a few minutes and introduce him to your kitty companion. She’ll size him up in seconds (we have a knack) and before you’re even out the door, she’ll let you know.
Oh yeah, she’ll let you know.
Meow Meow For Now,
Toque ♥
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